Politically Incorrect

Editor in Chief: Yvette Cendes

Volume I, Issue 8.

politically_incorrect@mad.scientist.com

10/13/03

POLITICALLY INCORRECT

“Your Anarchist Alternative”

Special Columbus Day Edition

Notice: You are receiving this webzine because either a. the editor in chief or someone else thought you might enjoy it, b. you subscribed/ requested it, c. I mistyped someone else’s address so you got it instead, or d. an act of God. Either way, keep reading since you might enjoy something! Politically Incorrect is a free service for your amusement only, and is not responsible for any irrational conclusions you might jump to. Politically Incorrect would also like to state that all fictional works represented are fiction, all non-fictional works are non-fiction, and all works that are neither are neither.

Homecoming: An Editorial

It’s that time of year again: the leaves are falling, there’s a dusting of frost on the ground, and you have to dig your sweaters out from where they’ve been spending the summer. That’s right, it’s time for homecoming! Or more importantly, if you happen to go to an all-girls school like me that lacks a football team, the homecoming dance!
At my school, for those who do not know, the homecoming dance has become a sticky issue. This is because last year a great fraction of the students who went to the dance showed up drunk. Although I was not at the dance during the week after all you could hear were stories of people who were unable to walk on their own and who did not talk coherently. The other much talked-over point was how the chaperones did not notice one student under the influence.
Once the school heard from students what had been going on, an assembly was held where we were read the school’s policy on alcohol and substance abuse, and then it was an open forum for students to discuss the issue. The entire affair was maybe twenty minutes long.
As for the students who were drunk, they were not “subject to discipline or expulsion” as the school promised offenders in the handbook. In fact, at the assembly the head of the upper school told the student body that she had not been asking for names.
Even at the time this seemed like one of the most ludicrous things I ever heard. For one thing, no matter what your stance is on underage drinking, it is illegal. Also, it does not matter if “everyone does it” or something like that: if a good number of high schoolers feel like they need to be drunk to enjoy themselves at a dance a school faces a serious problem. By this point students will not change their attitude because of a little talking-to.
Another interesting thing to mention right now is my school’s policy on alcohol as laid out in the student handbook. (Yes, I know, I am the only person in the known universe who reads this.) In last year’s handbook after talking about how the school “responds decisively” to these situations they refer to the “discipline or expulsion” an intoxicated student faces. Needless to say, it doesn’t seem like the school followed up very well on their own guidelines last year.
So is it any surprise that students are planning on showing up drunk again this year? Because if you assume the school’s policies are going to be the same as last time around, nothing is going to happen to the offenders! The school sent out the message that if you are drunk at a school dance absolutely nothing will happen to you. Small wonder that history is about to repeat itself: had the school done what it claimed it would do last year there would not be a problem this year.
Not to worry, the school has learned its lesson. There will be a police officer there, breathalyzer in hand, and by the sound of it there will be more chaperones then students. There is also the threat that if people show up drunk again we will not have semi or prom. Despite it all, I have a feeling that past events will speak more loudly to students who want to get drunk then current threats. After all, they already have last year as their example.

News And Notes

People who saw the Cabaret-
1. I’m sure you all want to know just what the Hungarian part of “Cell Block Tango” means, don’t you? Well here’s the translation of what I said, try to guess which part I added in… “What am I doing here? They say my alleged lover and I chopped of my dear husband’s head! But it’s not true, I am innocent. I only want to kill the members of the audience, especially the teachers. I don’t know why Uncle Sam is doing this to me. I went down to the police station, but no one there could understand me…”
People in General-
1. I am just wondering how this new e-mail address is working out. Once you finish reading this zine, could you possibly hit ‘reply’ to confirm to me that you received the zine? You don’t even have to write anything, just click ‘send.’ Thanks!
2. Want to join the Politically Incorrect Yahoogroup? Of course you do! Here’s the URL: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/politically_incorrect_zine/. Once you’re there, just click ‘join this group!’ at the top of the page.
People in the Yahoogroup-
1. If you haven’t seen it, there are currently two polls being conducted at the Yahoogroup. Cast your vote today!
2. Everyone as of right now is able to post, in case you haven’t noticed. So don’t be afraid to say what’s on your mind!

The Webweaver Picks

Once again, it has happened: too many people are annoying me online while I am writing the zine! Stop it! Well I figure if you have time to annoy me you are likely a bored individual, so here are a few links of interest to keep you occupied.

http://www.digitalronin.f2s.com/politicalcompass/ Just where do you stand in politics?

http://imagine.gsfc.nasa.gov/ Imagine the Universe! Homepage, created by NASA’s High Energy Astrophysics team.

http://www.innergeek.us/geek.html For the record, I am 28.00789% - Total Geek. Now all you real geeks out there can reply to me triumphantly telling me how much bigger a loser you are…

http://geocities.com/amlogbook/main1.htm A very good site for those into AM band/ TV DXing.

http://www.smalltime.com/dictator.html Can you outwit the machine?

http://www.msss.com/moc_gallery/ Every single image taken by Mars Global Surveyor through February 2003. Guaranteed to keep you busy for awhile…

Poetry Forum

High Flight
By Gillespie Magee
Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds - and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of - wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air.
Up, up the long delirious, burning blue,
I've topped the windswept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or even eagle flew -
And, while with silent lifting mind I've trod
The high unsurpassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand and touched the face of God.

Untitled
By George W. Bush supposedly not actually his and is "just a joke" but it was funny at the time...
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Oh my, lump in the bed
How I've missed you.
Roses are redder
Bluer am I
Seeing you kissed by that charming French guy.
The dogs and the cat, they missed you too
Barney's still mad you dropped him, he ate your shoe
The distance, my dear, has been such a barrier
Next time you want an adventure, just land on a carrier.

Sayings, Musings, Ponderings…

Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule--and both commonly succeed, and are right... The United States has never developed an aristocracy really disinterested or an intelligentsia really intelligent. Its history is simply a record of vacillations between two gangs of frauds.
-H.L. Mencken

When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the Earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return.
–da Vinci

The dissenter is every human at those moments of his life when he resigns momentarily from the herd and thinks for himself.
- Archibald MacLeish

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.
— Buddha.

Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, ‘where did I go wrong?’ Then a voice says to me, ‘this is going to take one more night…’
- Charlie Brown

Joke Time! Yay!

Fun Things to Do at Wal-Mart
* Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
* Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
* Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
* Start playing football -- see how many people you can get to join in.
* Try on bras over top of your clothes.
* While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible ''100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall.''
* Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, ''I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares,'' and see what happens.
* Tune all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes to ''10.''
* Play with the automatic doors.
* Walk up to complete strangers and say, ''Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!...'' etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
* While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, ''Who BUYS this trash, anyway?''
* Repeat the above in the jewelry department.
* Put pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
* Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.
* Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
* As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, ''Wow. Magic!''
* Put M&M's on layaway.
* Move ''Caution: Wet Floor'' signs to carpeted areas.
* Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
* Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
* Nonchalantly ''test'' the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
* Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,''...I'm Batman. Come, Robin -- to the Batcave!"
* TP as much of the store as possible.
* Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
* Play with the calculators so that they all spell ''hello'' upside down. (01134)
* When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, ''Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
* When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, ''Red Rover!''
* Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full-scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
* Take bets on the battle described above.
* Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. Barbie. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect...)
* While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
* While no one's watching, quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
* Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from ''Mission: Impossible.'
* Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
* Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
* Fill an entire cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.
* Set up a ''Valet Parking'' sign in front of the store.
* Two words: ''Marco Polo.'
* Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.
* ''Re-alphabetize'' the CDs in Electronics.
* In the auto department, practice your ''Madonna'' look with various funnels.
* Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like ''the fat man walks alone,'' and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.
* While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying ''How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won.'' Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.
* When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, ''No, no! It's those voices again!''
* Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
* Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
* Get a stuffed animal, go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying ''Good girl, good Bessie."
* Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.
* When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
* Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
* Test the fishing rods and see what you can ''catch'' from the other aisles.
* Hold indoor shopping cart races.
* Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
* When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially through narrow aisles.
* Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
* Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
* Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
* Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., ''Do you have any Shnerples here?''
* Ride a display bicycle through the store -- claim you're taking it for a ''test drive.''
* Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
* In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with a girl and start flirting with him as ditisily as possible: ''Hi! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle).'' When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. ''Hi! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle).''

This is the End… The End, My Friend, The End…
Well I said this was a “Special Columbus Day Edition” and I have about 30 minutes left until I have to change that title. Thanks to Alex Grubbs and Katherine Linzer for helping me out in the editorial and jokes.com for all those fun things listed in the jokes section…
Want to comment on absolutely anything written here, or something that isn’t? Well please write me! My e-mail is politically_incorrect@mad.scientist.com. Just be aware that something you say MIGHT end up in the next issue.
Also, if you want to write anything at all for this zine, please send it over! If you want to be anonymous or use a pen name, it’s perfectly fine with me. Of course, if there’s blatant plagiarism, a completely biased irrational opinion, it's written in a language I can't read, etc. you probably won’t see it here.
Hope to hear from you! Until then, see ya! Clear skies and later days...
Yvette

Editor in Chief: Yvette Cendes

Volume I, Issue 7.

politically_incorrect@mad.scientist.com

09/22/03

POLITICALLY INCORRECT

“Your Anarchist Alternative”

Special Back to the Grind Edition

Notice: You are receiving this webzine because either a. the editor in chief or someone else thought you might enjoy it, b. you subscribed/ requested it, c. I mistyped someone else’s address so you got it instead, or d. an act of God. Either way, keep reading since you might enjoy something! Politically Incorrect is a free service for your amusement only, and is not responsible for any irrational conclusions you might jump to. Politically Incorrect is also against animal testing because the animals would stress too much over the answers.

News and Notes

People in Pittsburgh and Surrounding-
1. Mark your calendars for either the night of October 3rd or 4th to see the Ellis Cabaret! No, it’s not the play, it’s an actual cabaret. And you guys all KNOW you want to see my solo! I also promise that unlike in the movie Chicago the Hungarian part will be said correctly in Cell Block Tango.
Of Astronomical Importance-
1. There’s a rather interesting article I found online from NASA news that some of you might be interested in. It’s about solar flares from outside the solar system (yes, you read that right) and the radio blackouts etc. that are caused by them. Tell me what you think! Here’s the URL: http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2003/12sep_magnetars.htm.
People in General-
1. I realize in the last issue I said I’d talk about school, but I really don’t want to write a whole article about it. This is because, after all, I have been going to school for an insane number of years now so there isn’t too much new stuff to comment on. I’m sure the subject will sneak in on its own anyway, don’t worry!
2. Since the issue is bound to be raised, no, I have not figured out where I am going to college yet. Stay tuned…

I Says to Him, I Says…

Over the summer I kept my ears and eyes open for any interesting thoughts or sayings out there. As a result I have found a good number of amusing quotes out there that are very wise, amusing, or perhaps both. And since it’s my webzine and I can write whatever I want here they are! Interlaced with my comments, as always…

“Common Sense For All.” –NH road sign announcing that despite federal pressures only people under 18 are required to buckle up in that state. Those NH people are on to something…

“Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone!” –Kilo-Watt Harmonics, 5/03

“You are listening to the frequently frequented frequency of 7.415 MHz!” –Radio New York International on WBCQ “The Planet”

“If you go listen to Radio Pakistan I hope your batteries die!” –Partial India Radio Ok, a pirate radio joke, but it was pretty funny at the time.

“There is a theory that states if anybody ever figured out exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory that states this has already happened.” –Douglas Adams

“Research is what I’m doing when I don’t know what I’m doing.” –Werner von Braun

“I measure my life in terms of music.” –Albert Einstein, a left-handed violinist who got kicked out of high school for asking too many questions.

“You can have a philosophy major and become a philosopher, you can have an English major and become an Englishman…” –College Admissions Guy lecturing at Ellis After hearing that, I have decided to change my fields of interest and switch to English… who DOESN’T want to be an Englishman???

“‘There’s no such thing as a number devil!’ ‘Is that so? Then how can I be talking if I don’t exist?’” –Hans Magnus Enzensberger, The Number Devil

“The stars are alive child! Did you know that?” –Phillip Pullman, The Golden Compass Yes, I did.

“Everyone has the inalienable right to make fools of themselves.” –Michael F. Easley, North Carolina Governor

“Friday: Heavy rain throughout the day. Windy at times.” –NOAA weather forecast for Pittsburgh, 9/18/03 Yeah, hurricane remnants just MIGHT cause wind…

“The best things in life aren’t things.” –Bumper Sticker

And I think it’s gonna be a long long time till touch down brings me round again to find I’m not the man they think I am at home. Oh no no no, I’m a rocket man! Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone… -Elton John, Rocket Man

“Only the Magyar races can produce that air of divine right, those resolute eyes.” –Bernard Shaw, Pygmalion

“‘Why do you stay up so late at night?’ ‘Because the night holds the key.’ ‘The key to what?’ ‘I don’t know, it’s too early.’” –Daria Episode

“Politically Incorrect and proud of it!” –Bumper Sticker

PROPOSITION FOR THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA FROM CONCERNED CITIZEN OF THE WORLD #5,453,681b

Like many concerned citizens around the country, I have been following the governor recall that is currently going on in the great State of California. The most interesting thing about it all is just what the state will do after the whole fiasco because they still have a huge deficit to deal with. Now as a concerned citizen of the world I have figured out how to deal with all of California’s problems! Think I should add “political analyst” to my growing list of potential majors?

1. According to the US Census Bureau in the year 2000 there were 24,621,819 people over the age of 18 living in the great State of California and of these, 15,027,246 people are registered to vote.
2. Currently 40% of registered voters live in areas that only have punch ballots, which means 6,010,898 registered voters use punch cards to cast their ballots. According to a recent lawsuit filed, approximately 40,000 votes cast with punch cards, will not be counted. This means 0.266% of all registered voters in the State of California will not have their ballots counted during any given election.
3. Keeping this in mind, the governor of California after the recall should call the ACLU because they seem to be experts at random cases that wouldn’t stand a chance anywhere other then the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals. The governor should kindly ask them to file a lawsuit on behalf of all the registered voters of California. The ACLU will definitely agree to help out with the lawsuit since they love secularist lawsuits that set incredible precedents.
4. The lawsuit will be filed and will be called Registered Voters of California vs. United States of America. This is because the voters of California have, obviously, been caused unnecessary mental anguish by the federal government because they do not know if their votes have actually been counted in recent elections.
5. They should sue for $60 billion in total damages. This is because in the court rulings it is unlikely they will get the total amount asked, so if they end up with around $40 billion. An out of court settlement should also be around $40 billion.
6. The witnesses for this case should be individuals who testify saying the punch card ballot was confusing, along with one person from Punch Card Ballots Inc. who explains how weird those butterfly ballots and chad markings are. I’m sure out of 6,010,898 punch card ballot voters you can find one or two who have found the entire idea of a thought process in general confusing, along with one disgruntled employee. If not, blackmail is always an option.
7. Before the lawsuit is completely finished, the governor should enact a “voter mental anguish tax” of 100% so all the money in this lawsuit goes to the state government. Collecting money from voters in these circumstances is not unconstitutional, and California has so many taxes already it’s very likely no one will notices the new one. Out of the settlement $38 billion will pay off the deficit, and the additional $2 will pay off all lawyers, lobbyists, sychophants, hangers-on, and bribes. Deficit problem solved!

Poetry Forum

Camomile Tea
By Katherine Mansfield
Outside the sky is light with stars;
There's a hollow roaring from the sea.
And, alas! for the little almond flowers,
The wind is shaking the almond tree.

How little I thought, a year ago,
In the horrible cottage upon the Lee
That he and I should be sitting so
And sipping a cup of camomile tea.

Light as feathers the witches fly,
The horn of the moon is plain to see;
By a firefly under a jonquil flower
A goblin toasts a bumble-bee.

We might be fifty, we might be five,
So snug, so compact, so wise are we!
Under the kitchen-table leg
My knee is pressing against his knee.

Our shutters are shut, the fire is low,
The tap is dripping peacefully;
The saucepan shadows on the wall
Are black and round and plain to see.

Travelogue for Exiles
By Karl Shapiro
Look and remember. Look upon this sky;
Look deep and deep into the sea-clean air,
The unconfined, the terminus of prayer.
Speak now and speak into the hallowed dome.
What do you hear? What does the sky reply?
The heavens are taken: this is not your home.

Look and remember. Look upon this sea;
Look down and down into the tireless tide.
What of a life below, a life inside,
A tomb, a cradle in the curly foam?
The waves arise; sea-wind and sea agree
The waters are taken: this is not your home.
Look and remember. Look upon this land;
Far, far across the factories and the grass.
Surely there, surely they will let you pass.
Speak then and ask the forest and the loam.
What do you hear? What does the land command?
The earth is taken: this is not your home.

Logically Speaking…

In the last zine I printed a logic puzzle and proposed a contest to see who could give me an answer. The answer is, by the way, that the blind man was wearing a white cap. Congratulations to Katherine Linzer of Pittsburgh, PA, who was the first person to respond with a correct answer! Other people who submitted correct answers were Lar Rich and Jessie Hejnal of St. Louis, MO, Lucia Galvan of Hermosillo, Mexico, and Greyson Daugherty of Clarksville, TN. Good job everybody!
I figured it would be interesting to make the logic puzzle a regular feature, or at least more interesting for me. Katherine handed this one over to me, and it seems like an interesting one.

Twenty-two male civilians are taken to jail for plotting against endangered crocodiles. The warden, tired out from the red-white hat mission, gives the twenty-two men a joint opportunity for freedom. He instructs the twenty-two men that they will each spend the rest of their lives in a solitary jail cell. However, at various times throughout, he (the warden) will take one of them briefly to a separate room, where two switches are located (like light switches, but they don't control anything.) The prisoner will be required to flip ONE of the switches. He MUST flip a switch upon each visit, and only one... but he has a choice of which switch to flip. Periodically, the warden will bring a prisoner to the room, have him flip a switch, and then escort him back to his jail cell. (They won't see any other prisoners on these trips.) All prisoners removed from their cells will be taken to the same room. Some may be removed multiple times.
When any one of the prisoners can report to the warden that he and his 21 companions have each visited the room, all 22 will be freed... but if any of the prisoners give the report before all 22 have visited the room, everyone will be thrown to the endangered crocodiles. The prisoners are given one hour to talk before this plan begins. They will not know the initial positions of the two switches (up or down); although they can assume that the switches will be located side by side. Also, the plan MUST use the switches: the warden will not tolerate spitting on the ground in 22 places, or any of the like!
How will they do it?

Whew! I can’t wait to hear the elaborate conspiracies revolving around this one!

Joke Time! Yay!

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news and worse news'.
'Oh dear, what's the bad news?' asks the patient.
The doctor replies, 'You only have 24 hours to live'.
'That's terrible', said the patient. 'How can the news possibly be worse?'
The doctor replies, 'I've been trying to contact you since yesterday'.

Superman once wrote on a wall: “Batman is a wimp.”
The next day Batman wrote: “Superman is Clark Kent.”

Q: What’s big, red, and eats rocks?
A: A big red rock eater!

This is the End… The End, My Friend, The End…
I never like this part of the zine, otherwise known as the end. This is because I am typically writing this while procrastinating on some other important part that just isn’t working. So to make I finish a little earlier, I will stop rambling, reminiscing, and everything else… Thanks to Sarah Cheng for one of the jokes, Laughlab for a few of the others, and my joke book from when I was a little kid. Also, thank you to everyone who answered the logic puzzle and to Katherine for supplying us with a new one!
Want to comment on absolutely anything written here, or something that isn’t? Well please write me! My e-mail is politically_incorrect@mad.scientist.com. Just be aware that something you say MIGHT end up in the next issue.
Also, if you want to write anything at all for this zine, please send it over! If you want to be anonymous or use a pen name, it’s perfectly fine with me. Of course, if there’s blatant plagiarism, a completely biased irrational opinion, it's written in a language I can't read, etc. you probably won’t see it here.
Hope to hear from you! Until then, see ya! Clear skies and later days...
Yvette

Editor in Chief: Yvette Cendes

Volume I, Issue 6.

09/06/03

POLITICALLY INCORRECT

“Your Anarchist Alternative”

Special It-Was-Supposed-To-Print-Monday-But I-Was-Lazy Edition

Notice: You are receiving this webzine because either a. the editor in chief or someone else thought you might enjoy it, b. you subscribed/ requested it, c. I mistyped someone else’s address so you got it instead, or d. an act of God. Either way, keep reading since you might enjoy something! Politically Incorrect is a free service for your amusement only, and is not responsible for any irrational conclusions you might jump to. Politically Incorrect also maintains that all resemblances to words, thoughts, ideas, copyrighted ideas, and plans for world domination are purely coincidental because, after all, you are only looking at strings of zeroes and ones.

A Note About Future Distribution

Since this is slightly important, I’m going to put it here at the beginning so everyone will notice it. Last time I sent this zine out it was sent to a total of 102 e-mail accounts directly, and it was then I discovered something interesting: Hotmail only lets you send out e-mails to a certain number of people a day (very likely a hundred) unless you ask for extra storage. (This was why a few of you had the zine forwarded by another very nice individual who happened to be online at that godforsaken hour.) Since this zine has no budget and I’m not willing to start one, this means to keep life simple starting next issue the zine will be sent from a new e-mail account.
The future zine e-mail account, starting next issue, is politically_incorrect@mad.scientist.com. (there’s an underscore there, just a bit hard to see) So if you see this address, don’t be afraid to open it, it’s not junk mail! As always, I’ll put “Yvette’s webzine!” in the subject box so you guys know it’s the actual issue and not some virus one of my 102 subscribers sent to me.
Ok, so that’s out of the way. Let’s get onto the good parts!

Public School Segregation in 2003- an Editorial

“We conclude, unanimously, that in the field of public education the doctrine of 'separate but equal' has no place. Separate educational facilities are inherently unequal.”
- Chief Justice Earl Warren, May 17, 1954
In the classroom where all juniors at my school take US History this statement can be found on a poster on the wall. It was said in the ruling of the famous Brown vs. Board of Education case, in which it was decided that segregation in public schools was unconstitutional. After a year of being in that classroom, I had that important ruling memorized. You realize it’s one of the best things about America if you think hard enough about it.
The interesting thing is how the effects of this ruling still pop up today, even though it was made a half century ago. My case in point: the Harvey Milk High School, which recently opened its doors in New York City. What makes this high school different then others in the nation is the fact that it is the first high school for students who identify themselves as lesbian, gay, transgender, bisexual, or questioning (LGTBQ).
The first time I heard about this I quickly dismissed it in an “only in New York” type thing. Then I got to thinking more about it, and the more I did the more and more it bothered me. This school is seriously against everything America stands for.
By the way, before I start, I’d like to say I’m not a homophobe or anything like that. I believe your sexual orientation is your own business. I also am not naïve and know that there are higher suicide rates in this fraction of the population and going to school is not a good experience for a lot of them.
To give you an idea of the student body we’re talking about here, Harvey Milk High has an enrollment of 170 students, all of whom identify themselves as LGTBQ, from all over New York City. If you want to go to this school you have to go through a “highly selective interview process” and you have to be between the ages of fourteen and sixteen.
The first thing that struck me here was the fact that you HAVE to be LGTBQ to go to this school (or at least I could find nothing to the contrary after a lot of Internet scouring). If you are born with your sexual identity then you have as much control over it as your hair, eye, or skin color. So if you made a school exclusively for gays and one exclusively for straight people, how is this different from having one school for black kids and one school for whites?
Also, keep in mind one thing about why segregation in public schools is illegal: if you have two groups, separate but equal, there is no way they can be equal if they are separate because then they would be together. If you are a gay student you do not learn a different type of math or English, you learn the exact same thing.
Another thing that bothers me about this entire issue is how the entire point of the school is so the LGTBQ kids won’t be harassed anymore. Obviously something should be done about this, but common sense tells me that there are more then 170 gay kids in the New York City school system. A lot more. In fact, it is estimated that there could be as many as 100,000 LGTBQ kids in the New York City public schools. Couldn’t the $3 million used to renovate the Harvey Milk High School be better used in addressing the needs of the entire LGTBQ population instead of a miniscule fraction?
And even then, LGTBQ kids are not the only ones who are teased in schools. If a gay high school is allowed then why not a school for kids who are overweight or a school for kids with odd-looking birthmarks?
The goal of Harvey Milk High School is to give kids a chance to learn without going through all the trauma and harassment of their peers, and I can think of no better goal. However, there is no way the current solution can help the problem, if anything the current solution worsens it. It is my fondest hope that the New York City Public School system will try again to solve this problem, and next time succeed in their goal.

News And Notes

People In General-
1. Yes, I started school recently, but webzine production is backed up so you’ll hear about my opinions in that arena later. Sorry to keep you on the edge of your seat and all.
2. In the last webzine (issue #5) there were a lot of comments about the part that no one could read after my comments on astronomy camp. That part was in Hungarian because I felt it’d be way to odd to write about Hungarian Scout camp in English! No, I am not translating it, I don’t feel like it and some things are better left untranslated. And I am a rotten translator anyway.
3. Random fact that Pittsburghers know but no one else does- we’re trying to impeach our mayor because he’s driven the city to bankruptcy! I sense a national trend…
Of Astronomical Importance-
1. Update on SIRTF, everyone’s favorite Space InfraRed Telescope Facility! The launch on August 25th I mentioned in issue #5 went off without a hitch. The observatory is now in Earth-trailing orbit and the instruments onboard are being checked out, powered up, etc. A few pictures have been taken of general starfields, they’re looking good…

Squirrels Among Us

I like squirrels well enough I suppose. There’s this one really cool grey one that comes around every winter and examines the birdfeeder in our backyard. This birdfeeder, by the way, is suspended from a tree branch about fifteen feet above the feeder, and the feeder is about six feet off the ground. This is enough to make most squirrels just scavenge around on the ground beneath the feeder, but not THIS squirrel. No, this squirrel climbs up on the tree so he’s maybe ten feet away and does a kamikaze leap towards the feeder. All you can see is this grey blur that hits the feeder and either somehow hangs on or falls to the ground. If the latter happens, no matter, he’ll just climb the tree again.
Squirrels tend to show up everywhere if you look hard enough. There’s Squirrel Hill, a region in Pittsburgh that is filled with the little buggers. And then, of course, Haverford College, my sister’s alma mater, has the team name of the “Black Squirrels.” It doesn’t really instill a fear in mankind or anything like that, but when you remember the old name was the “Fighting Quakers” you understand where this is coming from!
One of the most interesting squirrel encounters that I have ever come across was at astronomy camp (yes, all the secrets to life can be found at astro camp if you look hard enough!). In the middle of camp we took an overnight trip to Mount Graham, a mountaintop two hours south of Tucson. This mountaintop is the future home of the Large Binocular Telescope (LBT), which will be the largest telescope in the world.
Mount Graham is also home of a subspecies of red squirrel. Let me explain why this is a problem: twenty odd years back, when it was proposed that an observatory or two be built on Graham, the environmentalists noticed the red squirrels. The concern was that these squirrels have been isolated on Mount Graham for thousands of years from other squirrels, so they should be protected. This has evolved into a massive controversy involving numerous lawsuits and a few ugly confrontations, including a “takeover” of the University of Arizona Mirror Lab that was actually pretty serious.
Did I mention before the entire ruckus you were allowed to legally shoot the squirrels?
Well the environmentalists didn’t completely win; Mount Graham is still being used for astronomical purposes. However, before you go up the mountain you have to get a “squirrel permit.” All the astronomy campers had to promise we heard and understood what was on the permit (my thought was, “what if we don’t?”), which for amusement’s sake will be posted here, along with a few comments that sprang up among campers later on:

The endangered Mt. Graham red squirrel is protected by the Federal Endangered Species Act of 1973, as amended. It is illegal to "take" (this means to harass, harm, pursue, hunt, shoot, wound, kill, trap, capture, or collect, or to attempt to engage in any such conduct) (yes, that's right, the squirrel has more rights than you do) individuals of this species. This includes touching and feeding. If anyone "takes" (as defined above) a Mt. Graham red squirrel, they may be subject to prosecution under the Endangered Species Act (I'm shaking I'm shaking!).

Report all squirrels wounded or harmed to the first available Forest Officer (or fling them into the forest, never to be found: note the above-mentioned prosecution). The Forest Service will report all dead or wounded squirrels to the US Fish and Wildlife Service. Locations of killed squirrels should be immediately reported to the Forest Service so that the dead squirrel can be collected and preserved for study (or eaten for lunch by the food and heat-deprived astronomers, slow roasted over a glowing fire…yummy).

There is some concern that the squirrels could become dependent on human food (and this is a bad thing?), which in turn may reduce squirrel survival (oh darn). Be sure that you properly dispose of all trash. Do not put food items in the construction materials dumpsters at the telescope site.

There are Mt. Graham red squirrels near many Pinaleno Mountains roads. The squirrels do cross roads, so drive slowly and carefully to avoid hitting any Mt. Graham red squirrels. (In other words, if you must make a choice between suicide or harming a precious squirrel, you guessed it, suicide it is.)

Interestingly, we never saw a red squirrel, which is pretty lucky. I don’t know if we could’ve handled that encounter without something interesting happening!
Here’s something else to chew on: there is a wood beetle on Mount Graham that is destroying all the trees. When you stand up there, you see mainly long-dead trees that will someday be kindling for a forest fire that will make what happened on Mount Lemmon this year (consult issues #4 and #5) look like a firecracker in comparison. And, of course, there is no way you can do a controlled burn up there with all those precious little red devils that might come into harm’s way. And, of course, the squirrels are dying anyway because there are not many pine cones left since all the trees are dying.
All I can say is if they’d like, the red squirrels can come over here and leave the astronomers at peace. I don’t know how much they’d like trying out the kamikaze leap, though.

Poetry Forum

A Dream Within a Dream
By Edgar Allen Poe

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?

I know a lot of you have read this poem an insane number of times, but I happen to like it so tough! It was originally written three years ago.

Jenny the *girl
By Yvette Cendes

Jenny was as normal as a girl could be,
Not too tall or short, ugly or pretty,
Normal brown eyes and shoulder length hair,
And lived her life without a care.

But no matter how much she wished, how much she lied,
She was different from the others inside.
Every night as she lay in her bed
She looked up at the stars and she said,

“I want to travel to Jupiter, or maybe to Mars,
But most of all I want to visit the stars!
I don’t care what scientists say,
I will visit them… someday…”

Sometimes her wish was so ferocious, so great,
She’d stare at the stars until very late,
And only close her eyes at the brink of dawn,
When the earliest birds would break into song.

Or she’d go to the library and look
Through ever single astronomy book,
Or run outside and go for a walk;
This was how she found the spaceship box.

A cardboard box to the untrained eye,
But Jenny knew underneath this would lie
Something that would earn its worth:
A passport off the planet Earth!

“A spaceship box!” she happily cried,
As she opened the door and peaked inside.
“I can travel to Jupiter! I can travel to Mars!
And best of all I can visit the stars!”

Next summer was the best Jenny would know;
She went everywhere on the planets one could go.
She traveled around and had loads of fun
Going from freezing Pluto to the blazing Sun.

About her adventures she said all things,
From dark spots on Neptune to Saturn’s rings.
“That’s nice, dear,” her mother would say
When her daughter came home every day.

The one day Jenny did not come back.
Her mother felt like having a heart attack
As she kept feeling that something was wrong
And called the police to say Jenny was gone.

The police began to look for clues
And found missing her walking shoes.
Also gone was her red-checkered coat,
But they did find this note:

I’ve been to Jupiter, I’ve been to Mars,
So now I’m going to visit the stars!
Don’t worry, come what may,
I’ll be back… someday…

So Jenny the Stargirl is somewhere up there
Among the sparkling stars somewhere.
But maybe if we travel to Jupiter and colonize Mars
Jenny the *girl will come back from the stars.

…Someday…

Alright, Sparky, Here’s the Deal…

My brother brought home this logic puzzle the other day from his philosophy class and I thought it was pretty good so I’m putting it here:
There are three men in jail, a man with perfect vision, a man with one eye, and a man who is blind. They all obviously want to be free so the jailer offers them a deal that goes like this- he has five dunce caps, two red and three white, so if you wear one you can’t see what color is on your head. Each man will get a cap and will be able to see what type of cap is on the other two men. If one of them can logically deduct and explain what color cap is on his head, he will go free. Only one of them, by the way, can go free.
So they all put a dunce cap on their heads and the man with perfect vision goes first. “I cannot give an answer,” he says. Then the man with one eye goes: “I also cannot give an answer.”
It’s now the blind man’s turn. He says, “You are looking at a free man! From both of your answers I can deduct what color cap is on my head!” What color cap is on the blind man’s head, and how did he figure it out?
I’ll post the answer in the next issue. And since there is a disproportionate number of rather intelligent people reading this zine, let’s make it interesting, shall we? The first person who e-mails me the right answer (do NOT tell me in person, on the phone, whatever, because I will likely forget) will win a prize. No, I do not know what the prize is yet, but I will try to make it a good one, are you happy? I might be nice and give something to everyone who has a right answer, you never know. Of course, if you know the answer already it does not count if you tell me first. Good luck everyone!

Joke Time! Yay!

KNOW YOUR STATE MOTTO

Alabama: Hell, Yes, We Have Electricity

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!

Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat

Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything

California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda

Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet

Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water

Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism

Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, Leave

Your Money)

Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes ... Well Okay, We're Not, But The

Potatoes Are Real Good

Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"

Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism

Campaign

Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax
Brackets)

Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians

Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and
Little Else

Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada: Hookers and Poker!

New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone

New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!

New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To an
Attorney

North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable

North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!

Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan

Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing

Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal

Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender

South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee: The Educashun State

Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)

Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont: Hey...Yep

Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!

West Virginia: One Big Happy Family... Really!

Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese

Wyoming: Where Men Are Men ... And The Sheep Are Scared!

All My Bags are Packed, I’m Ready to Go…
Well, it’s that time of zine again… Special thanks to Dr. McCarthy for the exact wording of the red squirrel thing, Lar Rich for passing it on to me, and Katherine Linzer for the state motto list! Hopefully somewhat worth your time… Want to comment on absolutely anything written here, or something that isn’t? Well please write me! My e-mail is politically_incorrect@mad.scientist.com. Just be aware that something you say MIGHT end up in the next issue.
Also, if you want to write anything at all for this zine, please send it over! If you want to be anonymous or use a pen name, it’s perfectly fine with me. Of course, if there’s blatant plagiarism, a completely biased irrational opinion, it's written in a language I can't read, etc. you probably won’t see it here.
Hope to hear from you! Until then, see ya! Clear skies and later days...
Yvette

Editor in Chief: Yvette Cendes

Volume I, Issue 5.

08/22/03

POLITICALLY INCORRECT

“Your Anarchist Alternative”

Special Summertime Edition

Notice: You are receiving this webzine because either a. the editor in chief or someone else thought you might enjoy it, b. you subscribed/ requested it, c. I mistyped someone else’s address so you got it instead, or d. an act of God. Either way, keep reading since you might enjoy something! Politically Incorrect is a free service for your amusement only, and is not responsible for any irrational conclusions you might jump to. Politically Incorrect is also not responsible for the fact that this screen contains an insane number of incredibly small charged particles (hereinafter referred to as “Electrons”) traveling in excess speeds of hundreds of millions of miles per hour. We also regret to say we cannot tell you the exact velocity and location of these Electrons at the same time, and thus cannot keep track of them. We are also not responsible for any damages, physical or mental, caused by said Electrons.

We’re BACK!!!!

Hello again! To state the obvious, Politically Incorrect, the webzine as well-rounded and irrational as its initials (PI) has once again started clogging inboxes after a two month break. The reason for this is pretty simple: I’ve been away from Pittsburgh for about two months and my Internet access was pretty much an odd hour or so at a small public library. And I had better things to do then sit in a library all summer!
So after a two month break the zine is back. Thanks to all the people who wrote me concerned e-mails and/ or bombarded me online with questions as to when Politically Incorrect would be coming back. It’s always good to know that your thoughts and ramblings are enjoyed by someone!
To amuse the bored: as of right now this webzine is read in 29 states and seven countries on four continents. I am not listing the states but here are the countries to amuse the bored: United States, Canada, Mexico, Hungary, Japan, Nepal, and New Zealand. I don’t remember exactly how many people I send this out to, all I remember is it’s somewhere over fifty and likely below a hundred.
And for the many people for whom this is the first-ever issue, welcome to the pages of Politically Incorrect, the grassroots publication that would be the equivalency of an underground paper if I wasn’t too cheap to by supplies. The zine was started around last May when a combination of being annoyed at the school paper and the need for something new to keep me out of trouble led me to this webzine. For the record: no, I am not an anarchist, the phrase was just too good to waste.
I think that’s enough of this rambling for now so I’ll let you enjoy the rest of the issue. One more thought: since it is impossible to fit an entire summer into one issue, my summer escapades will be stretched out a bit.
The REAL final thought: sorry there’s no real cynical editorial this time. Just wait until the next issue; if it works out the way it’s supposed to there will definitely be some controversy in it!

News and Notes

Of Astronomical Importance:
1. I know you’d have to be living in a cave to not hear of this one, but Mars is at its closest in a few thousand years and will never be closer again in your lifetime. In short, it’s an excellent opportunity to look up! Just look to the south/ southeast in the evening and the really bright red star on the horizon is Mars. I also highly recommend looking through a telescope for the next few days at this one; the polar caps and some darker surface markings are easily visible.
2. SIRTF, everyone’s absolutely favorite Space InfraRed Telescope Facility, has a launch date currently set around 1am EDT on the morning of August 25th. No word yet on the name except the name will be announced four months after launch.

For People in General:
1. Tired of waiting so long in between issues? Then why don’t you write something for Politically Incorrect! For example, there is always a jokes and poetry section towards the end of the zine; send me a joke you got in a forward or type up that poem you carry around with you. This is also a subtle hint (ok, not so subtle anymore) for those people who as of right now are bombarding me with IMs asking about the current state of the zine. It’d be further along if you found something constructive to do with yourself!
2. For the curious: I got a 3 on the AP Chemistry exam. Not good, not bad, just right in the middle. But then, I was never doing the class for a number, I was doing it to learn chemistry and more of how the physical world works, and maybe a few stories as well. And I think my knowledge of thermodynamics and peanut butter diamonds (they EXIST!!!!) proves it was well worth it!

And there Was this One Time… At Band Camp…

I did not actually go to band camp, or orchestra camp, or any other instrument-related camp. I did go to two camps this year though, and they deserve a bit about them.

Astronomy Camp

Astronomy Camp out in Tucson, Arizona, happens every year in the blistering month of June and is definitely one of the highlights of my year. I think this has something to do with the fact that if you say you want to become an astronaut at astronomy camp, the first reply you get is “Can I come to your launch?” instead of “Well that’s pretty tough, you’d have to blah blah blah,” the answer you get in the normal world.
As mentioned before in the last issue of the webzine (issue #4) astro camp had a run in with a wildfire this year. As in the fire started the day we got there, threatened to destroy the telescopes, and made national headlines, all the while keeping us down in Tucson. And since the fire started the day camp started throughout camp we missed out on a lot of stuff because it was, as the cry went, “At the Summit!” Somewhere along the way a few disgruntled campers wrote a rather nice list of all the stuff we missed out on, which I’ll post here interlaced with a few of my comments.

It’s At the Summit!
Jessie Hejnal and Larliz Rich

• Tee-shirts
• Notebooks- we actually ended up getting the tees and notebooks a month after camp
• Food- a serious issue for a few days
• Pillows
• Dissection equipment
• Telescopes- more specifically, a 12”, 40”, 60”, and 61”
• Jason's scope- a seriously nice 10” he built when he was 10 years old
• Dorms
• Eyepieces
• CCD cameras
• Spectrograph
• Photometer
• Gym
• Pool table- sure it was slanted, but we loved it anyway
• Cue sticks
• Billiard balls
• Lady bugs- actually, I think lack of killer ladybugs MIGHT be counted as a good thing
• Sheets
• Simpsons episodes
• Solar system walk stuff
• Liquid Nitrogen cannon- how could we not miss our dear cannon?
• Ice cream pots
• Dishes
• Racquetballs
• Computers
• Minnesota building
• Observatories
• Disposable cameras
• Volleyball net
• Volleyball
• Coffee maker
• Kitchen
• Beds
• Showers
• Sunrise
• Sunset
• Stars- ok, we saw these anyway, but they would’ve been better on the summit
• Milky way
• Catwalk
• Dry erase markers
• Fire- the evil source of all our problems
• Breakfast
Well I think that’s it. But never fear; we did do good stuff in what ended up as our week-long starparty!

Memorable Stuff that Happened at Camp

• U of AZ- Where we ended up sleeping
• Steward Observatory- Which we ended up taking over
• Don’s House- did you know it’s possible to have 40-odd people spend the night in a normal sized house?
• Wellsely Radio Telescope- Galactic rotation curves forever!
• Mount Graham- Gotta love that Milky Way
• Campfire- Who says you need newspaper to start a fire? Also, please note that Sprite and rhubarb do not mix. Ever!
• LBT- sure it was freezing, but how many people can say they actually slept here?
• Red Squirrels- which we solemnly swear not to hunt, trap, maim, cripple, feed, chase, taunt, and I don’t know what else…
• Singing in the Van- “American Pie,” “I Will Survive,” and all the other crazy songs never sounded better!
• One Night at the 61”
• The Coffee Incident- We held Jeremy’s “special” coffee for ransom in exchange for his cowboy hat. Unfortunately Jeremy “doesn’t negotiate with terrorists” and had a roomie who betrayed our cause (a certain giggling camper gave us away as well), so we gave the coffee back without a huge incident. Note the word “huge.”
• Pizza Hut- where we engaged in inter-table war using aerodynamically perfected straw wrappers. Which I kinda-might’ve-been responsible for starting.
• Golden Corrall
• Z’s Pizza
• Mirror Lab- we were actually AWAKE for the tour!
• Water Bottle Fights- Ok, I know I was responsible for this one!
• Archived Data
• Planetary Oceans Debate- Vaporizing Europa still counts as a heinous waste of taxpayer money!
• Linux- As Ewan said, “Linux is like Amtrak. It might not start right, it might derail, but in the end it’ll get there.”
• National Headlines- We were on NPR and CNN.
• Roadtrip!
• Calculating the Julian Day- This took us a few hours in the very early morning, only to notice it was written on the camp syllabus.
• Calculating Jupiter’s Moons- Only two people were insane enough to pull an all-nighter for it, but the rest of us got good blackmail pics the next night!
• Never Sleeping- When they told Newton mass was at 6am he replied that it’d be a little late but he thought he could stay up until then. A true scientist.

That’s enough of that, you get the idea. For those who missed out on the scopes: I highly recommend reapplying next year just so you can check them out!

64/C STVK

Egyaltalan nem tudnek irni magyar cserkesz taborrol angolul, szo ez magyarul lesz (vesszo es pont nekul mert nem talaltam ki, hogy kell csinalni). Nem is lesz annyira hosszu a mondanivalom mert nem tudom lesorolni, hogy mit csinaltunk taborban. De ugyis masrol akarok irni…
Az egyik dolog amit soha fogok elfelejteni a taborrol az volt amikor mindegyik segedtiszt jelolt meg volt kerdezve hogy magyar vagy amerikainak gondolta magat. Ketton mondtuk hogy amerikainak: en es az iker testverem. Aszt hiszem, hogy tobben is ugy ereztek magukat, de mert magyar cserkeszeten voltak es mindenki mas magyarot valaszolt, ok is aszt mondtak. En is kicsit gondoltam hogy magyarra gondolom-e magamat elote hogy valaszoltam, de mindennek a vegen amerikai vagyok. Itt szulettem Pittsburgh-ben, itt nottem fel, itt akkarok lakni amikor tudom valasztani, hogy hol lakok.
Akkor miert megyek taborozni minden evben, miert jarok cserkeszetre? Mert nem vagyok telyesen amerikai. Angolul nem tudok enekelni, de magyar nepdalokban megtalalom a hangomat.
Egy masik dolog amirol gondoltam a taborron az volt, hogy menyire furtya otlet egy zaszlo. Ki mondta hogy egy piros, egy feher, es egy zold csik fontos a magyarsaghoz? Es miert anyira foglalkozunk egy zaszloval, hogy mindig tiszteletet mutatunk egy darab anyaghoz, es miert anyira rossz hogy ha valami tortenik vele?
Azert, mert mi latunk egy nepet, egy kulturat, abban a zaszloban es latjuk hogy az menyire fontos. Hogy ha nem lenne fontos akkor aszt a zaszlot regen a porban hagytuk volna.
Soha lehetnek telyesen amerikai mert amikor ra nezek a magyar zaszlot latok valamit benne: valami ami a lelkemnek egy resze. Es aszt senki mas, csak mas magyar ismeri.

Poetry Forum

Magyar Vagyok
Petofi Sandor

Magyar vagyok. Legszebb orszag hazam
Az ot vilagresz nagy teruleten.
Egy kis vilag maga. Nincs annyi szam,
Ahany a szepseg gazdag kebelen.
Van rajta berc, amely tekintetet vet
A Kaszpi-tenger habjain is tul,
Es ronasaga, mintha a fold veget
Keresne, olyan messze-messze nyul.

Magyar vagyok. Termeszetem komoly,
Mint hegeduink elso hangjai;
Ajkamra fel-felroppen a mosoly,
De nevetesem ritkan hallani.
Ha az orom legjobban festi kepem:
Magas kedvemben sirva fakadok;
De arcom vig a banat idejeben,
Mert nem akarom, hogy sajnaljatok.

Magyar vagyok. Buszken tekintek at
A multnak tengeren, ahol szemem
Egekbe nyulo kosziklakat lat,
Nagy tetteidet, bajnok nemzetem.
Europa szinpadan mi is jatszottunk,
S mienk nem volt a legkissebb szerep;
Ugy rettege a fold kirantott kardunk,
Mint a villamot ejjel a gyerek.

Magyar vagyok. Mi mostan a magyar?
Holt dicsoseg halvany kisertete;
Fol-foltunik s lebuvik nagy hamar
-Ha vert az ora- odva melyibe.
Hogy hallgatunk! A masodik szomszedig
Alighogy kuldjuk eletunk neszet.
S sajat testverink, kik reank keszitik
A gyasz s gyalazat fekete mezet.

Magyar vagyok. S arcom szegyenben eg,
Szegyenlenem kell, hogy magyar vagyok!
Itt minalunk nem is hajnallik meg,
Holott mashol mar a nap ugy ragyog.
De semmi kincsert s hirert a vilagon
El nem hagynam en sulofoldemet,
Mert szeretem, hon szeretem, imadom
Gyalazataban is nemzetemet!

I have tried to find information on the following author but have so far found nothing. Regardless, it shows Applachia the way it is.

Empties Coming Back
Angelo De Ponciano

Have you ever sat by the railroad track
and watched the emptys coming back?
lumbering along with a groan and a whine, -
smoke strung out in a long grey line
belched from the painting injun’s stack
- just empties cuming back

i have- and to me the emptys seem
like dreams i sometimes dream-
of a girl- or munney- or maybe fame-
my dreams have all returned the same
swinging along the homebound track
- just emptys cuming back.

Joke Time! Yay!

This was forwarded to me awhile ago and I still find it hilarious. Enjoy!


McDonnell Douglas Marketing Research & Warranty Project

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In

order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to

fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey

questions

is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products

that best meet your needs and desires.



1.

[_] Mr.

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Initial: ........

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[_] F-14 Tomcat

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5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:

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6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas

product you have just purchased:

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7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your

decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

[_] Style / appearance

[_] Speed / maneuverability

[_] Price / value

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8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:

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9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to

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10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?

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11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

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12. Your occupation:

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answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell

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Please write to: McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department,

Military Aerospace Division

Another Turning Point, a Fork Stuck in the Road…Whew! That was a rather long issue; don’t expect one this length every time! Want to comment on absolutely anything written here, or something that isn’t? Well please write me! My e-mail is politically_incorrect@mad.scientist.com. Just be aware that something you say MIGHT end up in the next issue.
Also, if you want to write anything at all for this zine, please send it over! If you want to be anonymous or use a pen name, it’s perfectly fine with me. Of course, if there’s blatant plagiarism, a completely biased irrational opinion, it's written in a language I can't read, etc. you probably won’t see it here.
Hope to hear from you! Until then, see ya! Clear skies and later days...
Yvette

Published in June 2003 during the Aspen Fire on Mount Lemmon, Arizona.

Editor in Chief: Yvette Cendes

Volume I, Issue 4.

POLITICALLY INCORRECT

“Your Anarchist Alternative”

Special Arizona Wildfires Edition

Notice: You are receiving this webzine because either a. the editor in chief or someone else thought you might enjoy it, b. you subscribed/ requested it, c. I mistyped someone else’s address so you got it instead, or d. an act of God. Either way, keep reading since you might enjoy something! Politically Incorrect is a free service for your amusement only, and is not responsible for any irrational conclusions you might jump to. Politically Incorrect may also be unsuitable for people with low self-esteem, no sense of humor, or irrational religious and/or political beliefs.

Greetings from Astro Camp!

This will be a rather short edition, but I figure if you end up being inadvertantly mentioned on NPR and CNN you should send out a mass e-mail to those who read your webzine! I'm at astro camp right now at the U of AZ campus in Tucson. Note that is NOT the top of Mount Lemmon! Basically that wildfire making headlines is kinda on the same mountain that astro camp is held on and of course we're not up there. Instead we're chillin' in Tucson (haha) doing various things. (Lauren, by the way, says hi despite the fact that she subscribes to this!) Last night we slept on Mount Graham a few hours south of Tucson in the building of the LBT, the future largest telescope in the world. It involved incredible skies (do you realize how thick the Milky Way is?), a cold night, and a warning about how we shouldn't "take" the squirrels, meaning taunt, persue, capture, shoot, feed, and everything else you can think of (the squirrels have more rights then I do- how many people taunt me?). On the second night of camp we talked our way up to the Mount Bigelow 61" (it's away from the summit) and looked at celestial objects and the fire burning a few miles away.
About the fire and the Steward Observatory telescopes in general because many people care about it. As of right now, a bit after midnight early Sunday morning, the fire is still raging out of control at 0% containment. Firefighters have been evacuated because there is too great a danger that the fire will trap them. It has decimated Summerhaven, the small town there, and is very close to the Mount Bigelow observatory, as in less then a mile. It is very likely that the astro camp group is the last group of people to ever observe there! The fire is about a quarter mile away from the summit, where Mount Lemmon is, but a great amount of water is stored there so the observatories there might still have a chance. I'm crossing my fingers right now...
One interesting fact out of all of this: astro camp has been mentioned on NPR and CNN! We're mentioned as the "youth camp" that was on the mountain that has since been evactuated. When's the last time YOU were mentioned on national and international news, eh? No, y'all who are at astro camp this year don't count! The fire, by the way, is disruptive not only because of the lack of facilities but because everything you can think of was already at the top of the mountain. Things such as all the food, instruments, binders, shirts, and Jason the counselor's 10" homebrew telescope. The motto for this year's camp: "it's at the summit!"
Well it's getting late so I should be going. When I get home I'll send out a longer version of the webzine telling all of my Arizona antics when I get home to Pittsburgh. Until then, clear skies and later days!
Yvette

Editor in Chief: Yvette Cendes

Volume I, Issue 3.

POLITICALLY INCORRECT

“Your Anarchist Alternative”

Special It’s Finally Summer Edition

Notice: You are receiving this webzine because either a. the editor in chief or someone else thought you might enjoy it, b. you subscribed/ requested it, c. I mistyped someone else’s address so you got it instead, or d. an act of God. Either way, keep reading since you might enjoy something! Politically Incorrect is a free service for your amusement only, and is not responsible for any irrational conclusions you might jump to. Politically Incorrect may also be unsuitable for people with low self-esteem, no sense of humor, or irrational religious and/or political beliefs.

An Editorial

“Is Politically Incorrect a liberal zine?”
I stared at my computer monitor while reading this particular line in a recent instant messenger conversation, and two things struck my mind. The first thing was how I have never considered myself affiliated with any political agenda because I never fully agree with any of them. In fact, when I can register to vote next year I plan to register as an Independent.
The second thing that I found interesting about this comment is how many times I’ve been asked this question since I started this zine. It’s almost like everyone’s trying to pigeonhole this so then they can figure out just how to react.
Well good luck doing that since this will never be just one particular view. To give you an idea, on the day I got the above message I also got an e-mail from a friend reacting to the zine, “Way to get back at those liberals!”
So in order to stop this minor controversy the editorial this time is a list of general things I believe in and some stances I have on various current political issues. Enjoy yourselves because you don’t know when this will happen again!

The foundations of my beliefs lie in being cautious. There is so much in the world that is misleading, deceptive, and downright wrong that if you aren’t careful you could be led in the wrong direction. I demand proof. I like to logically analyze the facts and stare at it from all directions so I know what’s going on. Only then will I make a decision. This is because this is the most foolproof way I have found to see how the world works, and if you have a better way I’ll be happy to hear it.
I believe that the only way to go forward is to be true to what you believe in and to be a moral person. You cannot be confident and optimistic about the world unless you are all right with who you are as an individual.
I believe there are no deities out there who started it all and/or are watching over us. And I believe when I die I will stop being conscious on all levels and that will be it.
I also believe there is no such thing as fate, just some really nice coincidences that make some people luckier then others.
I also respect your right to believe what you want to believe in. Just don’t expect me to believe it unless you are logical about it and have proof.
I believe what made America great is how people willing to work hard can do so. When you succeed no one should be able to take what you’ve earned away from you without your consent. Everyone in this country can succeed if they want to and getting something for nothing is not what this country was founded upon.
That does not mean you should not care about the world around you and the people in it because it is irrational to think and act like that. I just don’t believe anyone else has the right to take away what you earn.
I believe that there is no reason for the taxes in this country to be raised and, if anything, they should be lowered. There is too much waste by everyone on all levels in the government. If the people who handled the money were held responsible for the billions they freely admit are missing every year this country would be more then fine.
I believe Bill Gates has a right to all his money because he earned it. If you have a problem with that go write a better operating system, and ask the guy who “invented the Internet” to help you.
I believe people are often more responsible for their actions and their surroundings then they will ever admit.
I believe that being able to love others is one of the things you should never loose, along with happiness, optimism, curiosity, and a sense of humor. These are the things that make life worth living!
I don’t believe society’s corruption lies in toy guns and Disney movies. I believe it lies in drugging up and ignoring kids instead of caring about them.
I also believe it doesn’t take a village to raise a child: it takes a parent who is willing to discipline their kids.
I believe abortion can only be judged case by case and should be decided by the people involved. Also, I’m against partial birth abortion and abortion after the second trimester unless the life of the mother is at stake.
I believe whatever goes on between two consenting adults sexually in the privacy of their own home is their own business. I do not believe you should openly “express yourself” in public, end of discussion.
I believe you shouldn’t swear in public, even if your profanity is so good that I don’t understand what you’re saying.
I believe drugs are illegal for a reason. I don’t care if you can “control yourself” while under the influence, it has been proven countless times in countless studies that drugs destroy people’s lives and lives of people around them.
I believe the death penalty would be all right in a world where we can always be certain we are right in our decisions, but since we don’t live in that kind of world I am against it.
I also believe if you go to prison you should work, not sit around watching TV while hardworking people pay for it. And the maximum security prisons should all be relocated to Alaska.
I believe that broadcasting to the public should be more accessible then it is today. If AM and FM are too crowded then shortwave should be accessible since everyone knows it’s possible. Until then, pirate radio forever!

There you have it. I am sure that I have contradicted at least one of everyone’s beliefs along the way, not to mention encouraged one illegal activity. I’m pretty sure that someone is going to write me and say something on the lines of “what about kids with serious ADD whose parents have abandoned them?” or something like that. Well be logical for a second: was I actually referring to kids who didn’t have parents? Don’t come around being irrational to me because you won’t get far!

News and Notes

People from Pittsburgh and Surrounding:
1. Station Square is sponsoring a “Street Jam” concert series during the summer every Wednesday from 5pm to 9pm.
Schedule for the bands:
June 18th- Lori Bernish &Jeff Marks
June 25th- Marc Broussard
July 2nd- Dave Pahanish
July 9th- Brad Yoder
July 16th- Good Brother Earl
July 23rd- Mercury
July 30th- Airborne
2. Dinomite Days have begun! As many of us know, there are already dozens of large decorated dinosaurs around the city, and many more are being unveiled. No word yet as to where the dinosaur Ellis designed will be…

People from Elsewhere
1. Congratulations to all the seniors who have recently graduated and good luck with the future! I am proud to know each and every one of you.
2. For all the fathers reading this, Happy Father’s Day! To everyone else reading this, Father’s Day is this Sunday, don’t forget…
3. The sun has been acting up again! Within weeks the surface of the sun has become peppered with numerous large and complex sunspots. Radio blackouts have occurred, and stargazers at extreme northen and southern latitudes should be on the lookout for auroras.
4. New additions to my radio logbook: on shortwave Radio Finland, which has a weak signal despite being targeted to the Americas, and Republic of Yemen radio, which is easy to listen to if you know when and where. On the AM band I picked up CBEF from Windsor, Ontario, Canada on AM 540. This one was picked up when that infernal Radio Disney transmitter was knocked out during a recent power outage.


From the Astronomical Log of Yvette Cendes

I don’t stargaze as much as I would like to. The first reason for this is location: Pittsburgh has the largest number of cloudy days and most light polluted skies in the country. It is also far enough north to drop well below freezing in wintertime, which means a few inches of snow to deal with, your telescope legs freezing to the ground, etc. In short, not the most comfortable experience if you’re just sitting around not moving for hours at a time. The second annoying thing is the perils of getting an education which involves homework on weekdays (contrary to popular belief I actually do some!) and not being able to stay up excessively late on weekends because there wouldn’t be enough time to sleep it off.
Needless to say I do a lot more observing in the summer then the rest of the year, assuming clear skies. A few nights ago I got lucky, and the first clear sky in about a month made an appearance! So to satisfy your insatiable curiosity I’m copying my entry from my astronomical log into this zine (except for my lovely drawings throughout the entry). Complete with comments so you understand what’s going on along the way.

Date: 6/9/03- 6/10/03
Time: 9:15- 12:25 EDT
Location: Pittsburgh, PA, backyard My backyard is actually all right in terms of light pollution because there is a hill between us and Pittsburgh (you can barely make out the Milky Way if you know where to look). The same hill also unfortunately completely blocks my southern horizon, and a few other trees are pretty imposing on the west.
Equipment: Meade 8” SCT LX90, two eyepieces, and filters For those people into equipment: I did not use my telescope’s “GoTo” option or use tracking this night.
9:30-5 ISS! Passed through zodiac more or less, was about magnitude 0. Hard to believe that small pinprick has two people looking down at us on it… do they ever think of those looking up at them? I would… was seen by me, mom, and Linda. The ISS, or International Space Station, can be seen from any point on the globe and you can find out when it will pass over you from the internet (see Webweaver Picks for this month).

Mizar and Alcor- good to see these two again! All three stars are a good yellowish-white. Mizar is the second star in the handle of the Big Dipper, and Alcor can be seen by the naked eye if you have good vision. Within a telescope Mizar is split into a double star, and astronomers have detected that each of these two stars is another double star, which means the system as a whole has five stars in it. Imagine five stars being where the Sun is instead!
9:50 satellite in Bootes A little bit of computer sleuthing revealed later that this was the Okean-O Rocket, meaning an old rocket stage.
9:51 the first firefly is out!!! :-)

Algieba- Gamma Leonis- orangish yellow double, pretty close to each other and one being slightly smaller then the other Another double star.

Cor Caroli- A, distinctly white, is much bigger then B, yellowish. Another double star: A refers to the larger double star and B refers to the smaller of the pair. If there was a third star it would be labeled C etc.
Struve 1702- pinprick white dots with about 30” separation If your telescope does not track, the Earth’s rotation coincidentally brings this pair into view in about two minutes. Without this coincidence I would probably never look at the pair.
M13- moonlight and gathering dew on lens is annoying but nonetheless worth a look! A large fuzzball of a starswarm; looks like a bunch of bees around a hive. Nicer under low power in some respects though, looks like a spider egg this way. M13 is a globular cluster, meaning hundreds of stars packed together in a sphere, and is the best easily viewable at northern latitudes. Globular clusters reside in the Milky Way galaxy halo, outside the spiral disk we, and the stars we see at night, are in. M13 is 25,000 light years away and the furthest thing viewed this night.
Ras Algethi- Alpha Herculis- pretty close double and semi-difficult to split under low power. A is firey orange-red and B is smaller and blue-grey-greenish. Ras Algethi is a red giant star, meaning a star at the end of its life. It will someday explode in a supernova.
Ring Nebula!- M56- good to see this old friend again! Nice perfect circle with background haze. Much clearer with nebula filter. Somewhere along the long summer nights the constellation Lyra, which is directly overhead in summer, became my favorite constellation, Vega my favorite star, and the Ring Nebula my favorite deep-sky object. It is a planetary nebula, which comes about when a star not massive enough to go supernova ejects its outer layers. Our sun will someday look like this ghostly circle.
10:50- Satellite in Cepheus I later found this satellite to be the Terra satellite, a satellite which takes pictures of Earth.
10:51- Evinsat in Bootes, pretty dim Evinsat is another satellite, this one takes various measurements of the Earth’s climate etc.
10:53- bright meteor below Arcturus, brighter then Arcturus, spanned 5 degrees, and left a smoke trail!

Epsilon Lyrae- under low magnification, A and B are seen as short lines. Stars easily split under high power, with background star between them it has an owlish appearance. A quadruple star system! There are two pairs of stars where the stars are close to each other, and the two pairs rotate around each other. All in one system of stars!
The Moon- so close I could touch it almost. Waxing gibbous, and the sun is rising over Southern Highlands and the Sinus Iridum ridgeline. The shadowing is beautiful. Used the polar light filter as a moon filter. This is the point where the moon was going to FINALLY go into the trees so I took a look. The moon is so bright through a telescope small details are washed out and the brightness can blind you almost, so a filter is always a good idea.
Albiero- nice double, iron rust color in one and silvery blue in the other. They look like jewels on black velvet. Hands down one of the most beautiful double stars in the sky.

61 Cygni- a pretty wide pair of stars with a ruddy red hue. Pretty faint though. 61 Cygni is, in the grand scheme of things, a neighbor to us and is only 11 or so light years away. Only two stars seen in the sky at northern latitudes are closer.
Omricon1 Cygni- wide and nice triple. One blue, one orange, one whitish-blue.

Psi Draconis- pretty wide separation, yellowish and about the same size.

Beta Cephei- secret star! One large, brilliant white, the other a deep blue and much smaller. I consider Beta Cephei to be one of the better double stars in the sky, yet no one really knows about it and it is underappreciated. Because so few people observe this one I’ve gotten around to calling it my “secret star.”
Fifteen airplanes, one train whistle, and a few optimistic fireflies. The moon was problematic in viewing for most of the night, as well as the dew gathering on the telescope lens.
Good night, sleep tight,
YNC

That’s it. I know it’s not the most detailed log when compared to some other people’s but it suits me fine. Also, one of these days I should consider working through the AAAA’s multiple star list!

Webweaver Picks

Here are a few websites that I’ve indirectly referred to in this issue, where you can go for more information, etc.

http://www.dinomitedays.org The official Dinomite Days website! Find out what some dinosaurs look like, and where to see them…

http://www.spaceweather.com Updated daily, this website has up to the minute data on current solar conditions as well as information on planetary conjunctions etc. when they occur.

http://www.shortwave.be A complete list of all the websites various shortwave radio stations maintain. Good if you’re looking for specific frequencies and times, as well as practicing your language skills and general information on the goings-on in a country.

http://www.heavens-above.com Want to know when the International Space Station will pass overhead? Regardless of where you are in the world, this website can find out for you! Easy to use, and you don’t even need your latitude and longitude, just the closest town to you.

Poetry Forum

Redemption
By Lauren Rich

My life, my being, my beating heart
Is crushed today, like shattered glass
I feel nothing but to come apart
I died today, It will not pass
This pain, this sorrow, it overwhelms me
I cannot feel my life
It slips away to be set free
Beyond this everlasting strife.

A Man Said To the Universe
By Stephen Crane

A man said to the Universe:
“Sir, I exist!”
“However,” replied the Universe,
“The fact has not created in me
A sense of obligation.”

Joke Time! Yay!

This time around, the jokes were submitted by Clinton Mielke and Zach Garrett. Thanks guys!

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally, God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test which will take two hours and I will judge who does the better job."
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused....they did spreadsheets...they wrote reports...they sent faxes...they sent e-mails...they sent out many e-mail attachments...they downloaded...they did some genealogy reports...they made cards...they did every known job, but ten minutes before the time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured, and, of course, the electricity went off. Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every bad worse known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed.
The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming, "It's gone! It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!"
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all his files from the past two hours. Satan observed this and became even more irate. "Wait! He cheated! How did he do it??!!!
God shrugged and said, "Jesus Saves"........
Anyone see the French military rifle on eBay? It’s never been shot and only dropped once!

Now It’s Time to Say Goodbye…

It’s the end of another issue. Special thanks to Clinton and Zach for submitting jokes, and to Lauren for her poem! If anyone else wants to follow their noble example and submit something, please do so! My e-mail address is politically_incorrect@mad.scientist.com.
Do you just have a general comment about something said here Just be aware that something you say MIGHT end up in the next issue!
Hope to hear from you! Until then, see ya! Clear skies and later days...
Yvette